Dear Survivors: You Did NOT Handle Your Assault Wrong
Tag: dear survivor series
Dear Survivors: Your Trauma Didn’t “Make You Stronger”
People often try to comfort me by saying “think of it this way – your trauma made you stronger” or “look at how strong you are now”. I understand the sentiment of trying to help me “see the good” in a terrible situation, but it is extremely invalidating. It also takes the power away from the victim/survivor.
I refuse to credit the men who tried to break me with making me “stronger”. Those contradict each other. I pulled myself out of that hole and was forced to be strong, in order to survive.
Dear Survivors: This Happened TO You
When first wading through the aftermath of trauma it can be hard to remember that something traumatic and life-altering happened to you. Again it happened TO you. You did not cause your assault. This is not because of something you said or did. Sometimes that thought can send me spiraling a little – if it wasn’t anything I said or did, how will I be able to stop it in the future?
Dear Survivors: Your Trauma Does Not Define You
My trauma may be a part of me, but it isn’t all of me. It is an undeniable fact that my assaults changed the trajectory of my life. I watched myself morph from a well-adjusted, reasonably happy teen into a self-conscious, terrified, hesitant, young adult.
Sometimes I mourn who I used to be and who I could have become. And I think that’s okay to do from time to time. But you can’t look at your past in a bubble and wonder what might have been without also looking at who you are now. You are still you. It may not be the “you” you planned for yourself when you imagined your future, but it’s still you. Nobody can take your place in this world. And think of how much you’ve waded through to get to this point.
Your trauma may be a part of you and a part of your story and your past, but it is not all that you are. You are not just a “victim” or a “survivor”. You are an individual with thoughts, ideas, dreams, and emotions, who survived something tragic. It is up to you whether you want this battle to be a part of your identity or simply a part of your story.
Dear Survivors
I am starting a series called “Dear Survivors” that will be posted on Instagram @ TalkingThroughTrauma and cross-posted here.
These little “notes” are a compilation of the things I wish had been said to me when I experienced my first trauma. The intent is to help survivors of trauma and sexual assault feel less alone, less ashamed, and less confused.
Talking Through Trauma 