The memories resurface Bad thoughts flutter through my mind I feel I’m in the moment Every noise reminds Every movement I felt I can feel over again And every push I gave to him Begins to wear me thin The loud unspoken refusals Sear into my brain As I hear every utterance The dirty words remain I’ve lost control completely He’s gotten in my head I cannot tell if it’s a dream Til I wake up in bed I realize that I’m safe now But it hasn’t yet sunk in I feel that he can see me That every stranger’s him I can’t rest til he’s sorry Til he admits to me it’s true But right now I feel so helpless Unsure of what to do I want for him to suffer Like he has done to me For all his loved ones to know What only I can see I hate that he can go on Like there was no assault And I’m feeling so shameful Believing it’s my fault A piece of me left with him There’s no way to be whole Cause he can never give back My virginity he stole
Written December 2009
Talking Through Trauma 