In the Moment

Trigger Warning!

Her heart started pounding in her chest
As she begged for an escape
It turned out her judgments weren’t the best
She didn’t feel too safe

She had made her intentions clear
She didn’t want to have sex
But with him she had reason to fear
For what would happen next

He grabbed her arm and pulled her away
Taking her to his room
He pulled up a chair so she’d stay
As sexual tensions loomed

Feeling uncomfortable she rose to leave
And he leaned in to say goodbye
But the lights went out as he pulled at her sleeve
She should have known he lied

He pinned her down and grabbed at her dress
As the drug ran its course
He reached under, but she was fighting less
She couldn’t compete with force

So she held her breath and closed her eyes
Hoped to feel nothing
Did what she could to just survive
Hoped not to remember a thing

For six minutes, he talked her down
With crude comments in her ear
She thought she was safe with people around
But there wasn’t much to hear

She completely froze – made not a sound
And tried to block out the assault
Shame and guilt still surround
She sometimes thinks it was her fault

Years later the flashbacks remain
Subtle triggers set her off
The memory seared on to her brain
With no hope of rubbing off

Written December 2009
Edited July 2020