What I Deserve

I deserve to be happy
To laugh, love, and smile
Without completely changing
My current lifestyle

I deserve to enjoy life
Not always overthink
To go out to bars or clubs
Relax and have a drink

I deserve to look pretty
Without being attacked
Or fearing that what I wore put
A target on my back

I deserve some peace of mind
The chance to clear my head
To process the memories
Of all he did and said

I deserve to trust people
And not assume they’re bad
To break down the walls I built
To prevent feeling sad

I deserve to feel secure
In big groups or alone
In daylight or in darkness
On a trip or in my home

I deserve a good night’s sleep
Uninterrupted rest
With no nightmares or flashbacks
Or uninvited guests

I deserve to love myself
To overcome the shame
To whole-heartedly believe
That I am not to blame

There’s so much that I deserve
But I’m in my own way
And constantly focused on
The loss of yesterday

Written July 2020