Why are my standards for myself So incredibly high To the point of self destruction I let life pass me by I judge myself too critically I’m plagued by guilt and shame Too afraid to let down my walls Only myself to blame Blaming myself is comfortable It’s all about control If I can write the narrative Then I define my role I script others as I see them I can’t change how they’ll act The only thing I can rewrite Is how I will react But I make myself the villain I place myself at fault The author of my misery The cause of my assault I analyze each choice I made That led to the attack And create a different ending To take my mistakes back I get lost in this dream sequence The script that I conceive Where happiness is possible But it’s all make believe It’s hard to re-frame tragedy To let yourself forget Or to say you learned a lesson When it’s easier to quit Life is comprised of decisions “Destiny” isn’t real If we blame everything on “fate” We lose our chance to feel I have to know that my choices Caused my assault that night Cause then it was preventable Next time I can do it right Admitting I was targeted By a total stranger Leaves me feeling terrified I’ll Always be in danger I can’t make myself a victim Cause I will lose all hope In humanity, in justice In healthy ways to cope I would never trust new people I’d always be on guard When presuming bad intentions Making friends becomes too hard If I view people as evil Is that all I will see? Do I find the good in others Or just the bad in me?
Written June 2020
Talking Through Trauma 