It’s a look, a glance That rubs you the wrong way It’s nothing and it’s everything And now you’re not okay It’s a sentence, a word A smell that brings you back A familiar gesture And your mind’s under attack It’s your reality Your jumbled, tangled mess Not knowing what is real You endlessly obsess It’s constant vigilance And every restless night Paranoia striking And now it’s fight or flight It’s keeping your head down And staring at your feet Forever skeptical Of everyone you meet It’s self doubt and terror Then apathy and shame Disgusted with yourself And feeling you’re to blame It’s intense depression Shock, guilt, and no control Disorientation And never feeling whole It’s unanswered questions Closure you’ll never find It’s graphic memories Replaying in your mind It’s unfettered worry Unpredictable days Feeling like a burden Existing in a haze It’s selling yourself short Preparing for the worst Losing trust in strangers And thinking that you’re cursed It’s hating who you are And who you have become Since your diagnosis You’ve gone completely numb It’s dwelling on failure On all the things you hate Disappointing your friends By always running late It’s hard to verbalize Or even comprehend How different you are now Will this pain ever end?
Written Fall 2019
Talking Through Trauma 